Love That Isn't Waiting
Author: Timothy Rudge
I have a specific memory of walking along a pier in Barcelona with my girlfriend Maria.
I was talking to her about the internal wrestle I was having. I was on holiday and knew I had nowhere else to be, yet still, my mind wouldn’t let me be where I was. I was frustrated because It seemed like I had no control over my thoughts and I was unable to rest and experience the joy of simply being in a new place. I was fed up, tired of the endless introspection and fear that was plaguing me.
Whilst I was mid thought, pouring all this out to her, she turned to me and in a calm and gentle way said: “You know Tim, I do really love who you are becoming, but I just want you to know I actually really love who you are right now.”
As soon as she said those words it was like a thousand light bulbs were turning on in my head at once.
I knew in that moment God was speaking to me. I don’t think she realised how significant what she had said was but for me it was huge. Those words began to challenge a whole belief system I had, and it seemed like so much of what I thought was unravelling.
I realised that I had been believing a lie about love. True love that is, the sort that can only truly be discovered in relationship with God. Not the fake sort that we use to promote lipstick.
I knew there is a love that was powerful and unconditional because it’s that love that has ambushed me time after time. It has found me in my anxious thoughts and covered my nakedness.
Somehow though, through all my experiences with this love, subconsciously I had still been hearing a narrative that said: “I love you now because I can see who you are becoming”.
Let me explain why this is so important.
See, love doesn't manifest itself through the eyes of our future. Though it has that vision it also holds a much richer gift.
Suddenly it all became clear: love is deep.
It’s not a lustful fantasy and it doesn’t make sense. It sees beauty in the broken, the ordinary, and the imperfect. It embraces the present you without any certainties. It bursts with affection and desire for who you are because no matter how covered or contained you become, who you are is always there.
Beneath it all, you’re there and love sees you.
God is love, and I’ve come to the conclusion that He doesn't really care who I become If I never stop for long enough to see how extravagantly I’m loved today. So I’m learning to live with an acute awareness of my identity as the beloved. I can feel my hands opening, all the worry and fear falling through my fingers.
Fear would have us working for a God who is waiting somewhere in the future, where we have less questions and a better job: A future where we are 'more worthy' and 'influential'.
But Christ came to give us a security in the law of love we could never find in the law of works.
The Pharisees lived in a constant state of insecurity because their sole security was found in a quota of good works. Their identity was on the line every moment because their worthiness was in their ability to fulfil a list of commandments. They were constantly asking the question “Have I done enough”. So many of us spend our lives today asking the same thing.
The truth is we will never be in a position where we are loved more than we are right now.
So stop running, sink deep into love and you will start to trust and silence the lie that you have to make your own life happen.
He’s pleased with where you're at, so learn to love the present you and the present people around you.